she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
