I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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