In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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