May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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