I want to make a zoo with you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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