how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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