I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
