i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
