Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
