They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
