whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
