my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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