i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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