my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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