He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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