5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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