walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
