iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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