You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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