You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
