New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
