She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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