Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
