my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
