and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize