apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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