first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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