i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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