The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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