Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
