I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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