I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You are a genius and a whore.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
