Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
