I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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