Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
