I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
