Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
love makes seman taste better
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
