Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I want is dick and wine.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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