What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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