big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
