I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
