I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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