i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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