i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize