i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
