Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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