Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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