Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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