just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
