24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
