My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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