Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
