the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
