new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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