You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
