not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
