His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No stitches, just platelets and will power
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
