I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
