Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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