He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
