I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
