At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
