I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
